Lump Of Coal

Would it bother you to hear me talk about boys?
What about other girls?
Well maybe not.

But the way you say.
You want a boyfriend.
Makes me feel like I don't exist.

Like I'm some sort of on the side.
That I'm not really here.
What am I?

Am I just a plaything?
Just until you can get a boy?
Then will I be thrown away?

Am I just a tissue?
To be tossed away?
When you're done with me?

It hurts to think that that's what I am.
But it seems to sound like it.
Because you say you want a boy.

What does that make me?
Are girls not the same as boys?
Well I know they're different.

But when dating, please treat them the same.
If you had a boyfriend, would you tell him.
Would you tell him about your perfect man?

I don't mind being your friend.
And at the same time something else.
But sometimes it hurts me to be treated.

Treated like that's all I am.
That I'm nothing else.
It feels like a punch to my gut.

To be talking about cute boys.
And to hear you say.
Hey this is my perfect man.

It makes me think.
Well are you trying to tell me to be more like this?
Or just talking to me?

So now I start to wonder.
Right now, am I a friend or lover?
What I mean to you?

Is this you trying to tell me
That I need to improve?
Can you please tell me if I have a screw lose?

That I'm going crazy.
Making more out of nothing.
So what do you mean?

By "Ouch" I meant that you hurt me.
By saying "a boyfriend would be nice".
So yes it makes me feel like a lump of coal.

Like I am unimportant.
I'm sorry to say it hurts.
I can be soft skinned sometimes.

Maybe it's the time of month.
That is making me hurt.
To be so emotional.

But right now I just hurt.
My heart is crying out.
Asking what this boy stuff means.