Part One:
I look down at my arm dripping blood
I know I know better
But it hurt
The way you acted
When I called you

I could see the cuts that would be there soon
But you didn't you took it calmly
Making it worse
As I walked my nails started to dig
But I kept on walking

You are telling me I'm lying
But I'm telling you the truth
Why would I tell you she misunderstood
I could have just delt with it
Dumped her the end

Instead I called you to tell you
Tell you she thought I was dating her
I told you I was dealing with it
Telling the girl she misunderstood
You started joking around making little jokes

I said I would dump her
I would deal with it
But when I got home those little nail bites
They grew as I dug in them
Making them wider

You talk about how you promised him
The one guy you know I don't like
Promised when he came to see you
That you would do that
You said it was before we were dating

You wouldn't break a promise
You tell me how he's taking you out
To the mall
To a movie
And I feel the tears falling down my face

I hold my voice steady
I won't let you know how your hurting me
How your stabbing me in the heart
How the waterworks are coming
How its running down my face

You tell me you told others
Others that I cheated
How I hurt you so
Then they come
They come to yell at me

And those tiny holes just continue to widen
Growing and growing
Getting bigger
But I still don't notice
Notice that blood running down my arm

I got home and looked down
I saw what I had done to myself
And I wanted more
More pain
More punishment

I had hurt you
I knew it
Even if you didn't want to tell me
I see you write about how I lied
About how you never thought I would cheat

And I never would
I would die before I did
And if you think I could
Well I might as well
Might as well die now

I read what you've written
About how I've cheated
How you thought I'd never
That I wouldn't
I couldn't if I tried

As I read I started to dig
Those holes becoming bigger and bigger
Then I know your crying
I see what you've written
I feel those tears

I see all that blood again
And go to clean my arm
I wipe it off
Slip on some bracelets
And go to help my mum

As I'm out in the yard I feel the pain
I feel myself tearing
Knowing I can't live
Not with that label
I could take anything I thought

But not that
Not that
Never that
Never
Cheater

I come inside
I go to clean the blood again
Being so happy I'm wearing black and red
I wipe it all of
I look at what I've done

And I know it's not enough
I know I haven't been punished
I know I need more
But I know how you would respond
So I don't

I stop
I go to check my phone
To continue a conversation
And to fix what you think I've done
But I notice

You sent me some messages
I go to look
You tell me you want a break
You want to date someone else
The only thing I could say I did

For you to do what you want
But that the truth was
I didn't know if I would be here
Be here if you wanted me back
And then the blade came

I don't remember getting it
But I surly did
And now the blood is gushing
Pouring steadily from my arm
I pause to think

I decided to write
I like to write
If it's going to end
I might as well have on last thing
One last thing for people to read

I went I got some paper towels
Not the best thing to use but it will work for the moment
And I type
I'm typing now
Knowing when I'm done

Knowing what I will do
And so I go thinking
What should my last words be
And all I can think is
Thank you

To all those who have helped me
To those who have loved me
To those who have cared
To those who have commented
And lastly to all those who care

Thank you


Interlude:
I write my last words two by two
Knowing I can't let them be my last
To prove her wrong
I must live on
And forget the oldest past
I made a pact
A promise to live on
No matter what
I will follow through
Even though I wish not


Part Two:
I say I can't bear to see you date
You say you don't plan to
That you want to keep me
Then you...
You...
You...
Go and date
You lied to me
But I should have known
You have before
You will again
You say you kinda like him
And it breaks my heart
I don't know why I want to stay in contact with you
You try to hurt me all the time
You try to stab me in the heart over and over
Then you always come back and say
Say that you still love me
You want me to stay your best friend
Just so you can hurt me it seems
Tell me how your going out with a guy you like
Or just made out with someone you know I hate
You love to see me in pain
To hurt me all the time
So amo
So love
I have no reason to be so nice
To let you be near to me
Even when you say you want me as your best friend
You hurt me.


Interlude:
You still want to keep me by your side
Like a sad little pet that can't run away
You find someone better
A replacement
But you want me the same

Part Three:
I should have known
Known better than to trust you
You broke my trust so many times
Tore my heart apart

I guess I don't need to keep that promise anymore
It doesent matter to you
Anyway what happens to me doesn't matter to you
Not anymore

So I guess this is good bye
And that my last words should ring true
Maybe not in the same way
The words, thank you.

Thank you for hurting me over and over
Thank you for tearing my heart apart
Thank you for not listening
And lastly

Thank you for letting me love you
.

Interlude:
I still will keep a pact
A promise all the same
I won't die tonight
Or another time
I'll live on for me


Part Four:
I saw the life we had planned
The house we could have had
The memories we could have shared come crashing down.
I saw them shatter, explode and disappear.
The past
The present
The future
The past that is set in stone.
That has happened
That can't change
The present that is this second
That is happening right now
That is this moment
The future that goes and flows like a river
That changes every second
That is different every moment
That you have ruined for us
That you have decided wasn't needed
So as memories wash away I cry for what we lost
For what you ruined
But then I almost want to laugh
Because I know how we will end up
And I'm not the bad side
I'll live a good life
I'll have fun
I might even get married to someone I actually love
You won't.


Interlude:
Forward and Backwards
Endings and Beginnings
Life will always move forward
And I will always find a better ending


Part Five:
I have cried my last tear for you
Let my last drop of blood fall for you
I won't let myself be in pain for you
It's time to move on
To find someone new

I won't let you have control over me
I won't let you try to get my attention
With the I tried to kill myself line
You've done it to much
The impact is gone
I almost want to say...
Whatever

I know people that have tried and almost succeeded
I have myself.
I've seen the pain
The suffering

I don't think it's right for you to do it for attention
To say yeah I tried, whatever.
I guess it just pushes me one more step away

I'm walking now
Down the path
To a new fork ahead
There are only a few choices now

To continue on the one I am
Always loving you
Never getting over you

To turn to the right
Getting someone new
Being in another miserable relationship

To turn to the left
To find someone better
Being even happier

The only problem is if I try to turn left I might end up going right by mistake
I might not know till its to late
But I know I don't want to stay in the center
The pain grows each day

But I'll forge on
A path of my choosing
It's time for this to end
And so I continue one step at a time
On a path all of my own.


Interlude:
The path will carry me forward
To a different place
From now on I will listen
To the words of the wind
What little birds fly around and say


Part Six:
When we started dating
I told my friends about you
And asked for the truth
And they said
She's fat
She's ugly
And look at that hair
Your really dating that
You could to better.
But I said I liked you

Then they met you
And after they said
I have the strangest tastes
They told me
She dresses like a slut
Without the good looks
She looks even worse in real life
Why do you stay with that
You could do better
Still I said I liked you

They told me they would date me
They know they are hotter
Even if I didn't like them
I could do better
That there are so many people
That want me enough
They don't know why I stay with you
But I said I liked you and I didn't care

Someone tells me
She won't stop texting me
He said he doesn't like you
You seem like a dog
You asks for advice
And tries to make him pity you
I asked him please be nice
Ignore you if he must
And he did
He wasn't mean
But he thought you were pitiful

Someone tells me
Yeah I avoided adding her on facebook
I met her on DA but she was so annoying
But after a while I gave up
I let her on
But I'm not adding you
I don't want her to know we talk
I don't want to see her jealously out of control

She sure is a whiner
She uses people
No one would ever want her
Yet I always defended you
I always said I wanted you
That what your really like is what mattered but
Maybe they were right.
Maybe I was wrong.
I can't tell anymore.
The way you've been acting
Makes me feel that they are right

Because you try to hurt me
You enjoy it
You like to see me cry
To see me unhappy
You want me to be miserable like you

There is so much more that they said
But I couldn't
I can't
I won't tell you it all

But truth is you are a fat ugly girl who dresses like a slut, with bad hair, who has a personality that is worse in real life, who doesn't leave people alone when they want to be, who is pitiful because you are annoying and miserable, along with being a jealous whining dog and truth is, I can do better.

I needed to say it
You had to know what people said
What they thought
And that I defended you
That I hid it from you
And now you know


Interlude:
I don't believe what they said
Even to this day
I know there is a hint of truth to it
But I refuse to hear it
Now or then
My love beats strong
Even though I know you have betrayed me

Part Seven:
I feel so weird not wearing my rainbow kandi.
Knowing the one person I thought I could trust betrayed me.
Knowing that no ones left to rely on....
It's time to forge on I guess.
Make new memories.
Continue with life.
So I guess when I get home I'll make a new rainbow.
One for me and only me.
Because there is only one person left who loves me.
Myself.
I will be my own rock standing in the way.
I won't let some fat ugly person bring me down.
I will stand up.
I will be prideful of myself.
And I will not give in.
I will not feel I need to be punished.
For this is not my fault.
It is hers.
She is the one who decided to hurt me out of spite.
She is the one who was cruel and abusive.
I was the left hurting.
Not her.
After rain has fallen a new rainbow will bloom.
So in the end.
There will be a smile again.


Interlude:
People come to fill the holes
To take the place of what is lost
Pain goes away
As people take your place


Part Eight:
It's funny how people come to fill the gaps
Lose your best friend?
End up with two more that are better
When all hope is lost and you think it will never be better
You meet a filler.
Someone who is so much better that person you lost
The one you used to have
These people have the same interests as you
Have the same stories
Read the same books
I love fillers.
Better yet, I love my fillers
They make me smile
They warm my frozen heart
When I want to cry they crack a joke
My fillers saved my life
Because they made me smile
In a way they shouldn't be called fillers
They took the place of someone else and do a better job at being a friend
They can't be replaced
They are my best friends
They just filled a missing spot
They filled me with joy
And I love them for making this tears stained face smile.  


Introlude:
Another smile comes my way
Brightening up my day
Finally I see what to do
To protect myself from you


Part Nine:
As I slip on this collar
I know how I'll look
People will wonder who could have tamed me
Who I would let dominate me
People will wonder, why I would wear a collar when before this people have worn collars for me

I know that people will look
What they will see
At first glance they will see a fancy collar
They will ponder that I have one
A second glance and they will notice it is made of silver
They will then assume the one who gave it had money
When they look a third time just to confirm their suspicion
They would notice the details in the engravings on each link of chain

They would never know that my collar is my own version of a chastity belt
That I wear it to protect myself
That I am my own master
I will protect my self from others
I will be my own control

I own myself


Interlude:
I own myself
To protect myself
From loving once again
To give me time to heal
Before going in to the battle of love once again


Part Ten:
My hearts been broken
So many times
I've given up fixing it
I just wait in time
Because I know
Someday
Someone
Will heal me
They will dry up my tear
And hold me close
Tell me I'm loved
And that I matter the most
That they care for me
So much and won't let go
They won't make promise they can't keep
Won't try to hurt me so deep inside
Wont try to tear me apart
They will be my healing heart


Interlude:
Another smile brightens my day
That tries to heal my heart
That wants me to smile more than anything


Part Eleven:
You look at me
You smile
You say I haven't seen you in a while
And it flashes me back
To when she said
The same thing to me

It makes me feel
Like your killing me
I know your trying to be nice
You want me as your own
But every move you make
Reminds me of her

It makes my heart beat
It makes me scream
It makes me remember shes gone
And then you look at me
So carelessly
And I know you want me

I know I can have you
I know that its truth
But I won't say yes
Even if you say you love me
I can't say yes
Only because I still love her

Your an adorable guy
I've known you forever
But still
Your older
I'm younger
I want someone closer

And I just can't date you right now
Or ever
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry hun
I just can't love you


Interlude:
I want to be able to say yes
Because it seems so sweet
And somehow I guess I can
Maybe

Part Twelve:
He?
Him?
What?
Boyfriend?
With me?
Uhhh no way....

But yes
It happened
I don't know how
But now he's mine.
And I'm his.

He knows what I like
He's willing to give it
It makes me smile
What was denied by her
Is given by him.

I know it might not work out
I know I might just be using him
Using him as a rebound
But right now
It feels amazing
Just to know I have someone

That someone is there
Someone who wants me
Wants me for me
All of me
That I know could protect me
That I know is there

Even if it all turns in to a mess
I love that I can say these two words
I would do it again just
So I could say two words
I'm taken


Interlude:
I know it's not right
To use you in this way
But in a way I love you
For being here for me
So now you have me fully
I belong to you
You belong to me
So I guess there is really only one thing left to say

Part Thirteen:
There are many ways to say it
Heart Broken
But the one thing you always get someone new
Rebound
Sometimes your lucky and their better
Like Me
Sometimes they're not and your stuck
Hurt

Luckily I ended up with someone
Better
It doesn't mean I don't still like her
Love Her
But he's helping me
Heal
Right now he is the one holding me
Stopping Me

Making me not jump
Die
I couldn't hurt him after using him
Rebound
I couldn't die while being his
Jump
Just because shes gone
Left
Doesn't mean I have to
Leave

I never needed her
Wanted
To start it was pity
Sadness
She reminded me of a younger me
Myself
I protected her I loved her
Sheltered
Now she's leaving me
Ending

I protected and loved
Cared For
Now I'm hated
Unwanted
I know how to end this in one move
Death
I could die
Endless Sleep

But I refuse to
I Won't
Die for her
I'm Better
There are others
Fish In The Sea
Better people
More

I already have someone new
Newer
Someone better
Better
Someone to make me smile
Make Me Laugh
I still like her
Love Her
But all the same
No Matter

My world
Life
It won't end yet
It's Not Over
Because I have Him